urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:x_princesbarbie jessika ashley jessika ashley 2007-03-27T05:37:56Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:x_princesbarbie:4095 2007-03-27T05:37:56Z 2007-03-27T05:37:56Z &lt;center&gt;he's so confusing. some of the things he<br />says to me, makes me believe that he really<br />does like me, and then some other things<br />he says makes me believe that I'm just a<br />girl who never even crosses his mind.<br /><br /><br />that is exactly how i feel right now.. this last past weekend, i went to jackson, (about 2 hours from where i live) to see of my ex's. I left about 5 friday night.. and i got up there, went to target.. met him at the mall, followed him back to his apartment.. he took me out to eat, we rode around for a little.. and we went back to his place.. while i was there, he asked me to move to jackson, marry him, and called me his girlfriend.. so i was kinda thinkin things were gonna go good for us.. well, saturday comes around, he woke up late for work.. and just laid with me, cuddling.. it was so sweet. he ended up leavin and i went back to sleep. i woke up to him walkin back into his room and goin right back to cuddling with me.. we laid around for a little while, watchin tv.. and then i decided to get up, take a shower, go get my oil changed.. so we did all that.. then i decided i wanted my piercing (mariyn monroe).. so we got to the place, and he decided he was gonna get his ears pierced. so i went first, he held my hand.. after we both finished up there, we went back to the apartment and waited for one of his room mates to get home.. he got home like 30 minutes- an hour&nbsp; after we got there.. we went out to eat with a bunch of his friends for their birthdays.. but i wasn't really hungry, so i just got something to drink.. he left me at dinner for like 20 minutes, and went to talk to this girl he hooked up with before.. we finished up and went to the bar.. it was okay, but definately boring.. he wasn't around alot and i was just ready to go home.. i'm not really gonna go into why we go into a fight.. but we had a little arguement and at 6 sunday morning, i decided i was gonna leave and go back home.. so i did.. i said i was sorry when i got home.. and i really wish i never left.. he said he forgave me and everything was good.. so i just asked him do you really want me as a girlfriend and he said eventually.. i was like what the hell? how the hell are you gonna sit there and call me your girlfriend the night before, and then now say eventually.. i ended up wakin up about 2, and went to work at 3.. we didn't talk that much.. he seemed kinda distant.. it was weird.. but after work, me and 2 of my friends went to the levee.. and i dropped my phone.. for some reason, after i dropped it, it stopped working.. so today, i got on myspace to send him a message, just to let him know that my phone wasn't workin, and that if he was textin, or callin me.. i didn't want him to think that i was ignoring him and i told him if he wanted to talk to me, just send me a message on there..&nbsp; so he ended up getting on after he got off work for a little bit.. he read my message, but didn't even respond back.. i'm so confused right now it's not even funny.. i mean what the hell are guy's problems? why do they have to be so complicated? it sucks feeling like you're not needed, and that nobody really cares.. cause right now, that's what i feel like.. and i don't know how much more of it i can take.. it's just crazy.. it's like i'm swimming and a huge wave is about to go over my head.. i'm tired of feeling like this.. i'm tired of crying.. i'm just tired of it &lt;b&gt;ALL!&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/center&gt; urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:x_princesbarbie:3466 2007-03-06T02:57:43Z 2007-03-06T03:00:46Z <font color="#000000">i used to keep a journal,<br />but ever since i've been with you,<br />It's been hard. there's so much<br />to say and the pages are just better<br />being blank; i'll remember it all anyway<br /><br />that's exactly how i feel right now.. me and my boyfriend (and father of my kid) of almost 2 years broke up 2 nights ago. i used to write in this thing alot.. it helped me vent.. but for the last year, my boyfriend has treated me like shit, lying to me, doin stuff behind my back, goin out with other girls.. stupid shit like that.. now i'm not sayin i was a saint.. i messed up twice.. but compared to his like 100, seriously, it's nothing.<br /><br /><br />it's like so weird to be away from him.. we basically lived together.. and i was always used to have someone around, someone to talk to, and all that.. and now that i'm back at my house with my mom.. i don't really have anyone like i did. it sucks, because i stay so bored, and i can't really eat, or sleep..&nbsp; i try to talk to him, but every time i do, he talks to me like i'm shit, or something.. and i can't handle that.. blaming me for everything.. when it's not even my fault. <br /><br />well i guess now that i'm single, i'll have time to write in this thing alot more, haha.</font> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:x_princesbarbie:2069 2006-01-31T12:53:20Z 2006-01-31T12:53:20Z my mom just got in like 15 minutes ago. i still haven't been to sleep..<br /><br />boy oh boy today's gonna be long!